[private; hackable by Starfleet officials]

[parked]

Three things about being a woman:

1. Never again will I make light of the regulation uniform for women. As a matter of fact, I'm going to talk to someone about making male regulation uniforms applicable for female members. These things are ridiculous.

2. My normal demeanor and behavior is apparently a lot worse as a woman than it is normally. If another person gives me that look, I swear...

3. I'm stressing out a lot easier like this and I don't want to say it's because of the hormonal changes, but I'm pretty sure that has something to do with it.


I really wish I hadn't been so ridiculous and thought that I shouldn't tell Jim what was going on. I don't even know why I decided this was a good idea. Lying to your Captain is never okay, no matter what you want to think! I just choked, and I thought that if I pretended I was someone else I wouldn't have to worry about it and then this could all be put behind me once it was over - if it gets over, because really, everyone says the viruses never act like this, so who knows if it'll ever stop?

I keep upsetting myself with this. I need to go drown myself take a shower and try to meditate or something, even if I've never been that great at meditation. This is so stupid!

Comments

[yeswedo.livejournal.com]

If this is your "subtle" way of apologizing, just forget it.

strikes = thought; about... like 20 minutes later because he was in the shower ok

[parked]

...I wasn't aware you were going to bother looking at it. Private never means private when you're not a Captain, remember that.

[yeswedo.livejournal.com]

Oh, so no apology still.

Good to know.

[parked]

No, I am apologizing, I just -

This entry wasn't it.

I'm sorry, I don't know why I thought it would be better to lie than just be straight about it, I keep doing really stupid things and I really don't mean to, I just haven't been able to think straight.

[yeswedo.livejournal.com]

I don't care if you can't think straight, Mr. Sulu, I'm your captain--

No, you know what?

I'm your friend and you couldn't be honest with me. You just let me keep on acting like a moron.

[parked]

Don't use "Mr. Sulu" right now I swear to god.

[yeswedo.livejournal.com]

I'm really thrilled that you missed my point entirely.

[parked]

I didn't miss the point! I don't know what else to do, I'm freaking out about being a woman which shouldn't even be that big of a deal, I can hardly think straight and the fact that I lied to you and that you found out makes me feel like throwing up!

I'm sorry. I'm honestly seriously sorry and I'm just... going to stay in here for the duration of this, unless it doesn't end, then I'll... resign and get the hell out of here.

[yeswedo.livejournal.com]

... You're not going to resign your commission.

[parked]

Well there's not exactly much else I can do!

[yeswedo.livejournal.com]

How about dealing with it?

[parked]

...Of course, Captain.

[yeswedo.livejournal.com]

... We'll talk about this more later. I don't think you need to hear it right now.

[parked]

Thank you, sir.