parked | Log with Ianto & Jack: Man! I Feel Like a Woman!

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Log with Ianto & Jack: Man! I Feel Like a Woman!

There were three things Sulu always expected when he woke up: some kind of alarm, his regulation sized bed and his regulation sheets. In his line of work, those were the only safe assumptions; for all anyone knew, they could be waking up to their timer alarms or the red alert alarms, or they could wake up on the floor after an attack - but they would always wake up near it.

Being that he was not really a morning person, it took Sulu a groggy minute of groaning and half-hearted stretching to realize that his three safety blankets? They weren't there. Instead, his bed felt - bigger, really, and... manlier. Really manly. Which felt weirder than the softer sheets, the metal bracelet around his wrist and the fact that he had hair in his eyes.

...Hair in his eyes.

Oh, Jesus. He knew what that meant -

Sulu snapped to attention and sat up, only to realize that he was now straddling someone, he was a girl, and he was in his boxers. And that was it. Part of him realized he was on top of Ianto, but the rest of him then followed suit and noticed that his free hand was on Jack's chest, and this was way out of his comfort zone.

Being that he was terrible at this whole "suddenly a girl thing," Sulu could only do one thing in that moment: he shrieked and tried to fling himself off the bed, despite the fact that he was handcuffed to Ianto. "SHIT!"

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Ianto blushed, but then when he really thought about it, it was pretty much impossible to do up jeans with only one hand, and so. To be more time-efficient, and less awkward, maybe... Maybe Ianto should accept that help. He decided...that that wasn't such a bad idea, after all. He nodded, flushed, not particularly minding that his hand was in Sulu's, though it did make for a bit of an awkward situation, considering what he was agreeing to. "Yeah...a-alright," Ianto said, accepting it. God. He probably couldn't do up his zipper or button with only his left hand, but. He...he really wasn't sure how he felt about getting help with that. Still, he. He needed it done somehow. He reached into the closet and selected a pair of jeans at random. Though they weren't as flattering as the jeans, as he was coming to think of them as, they would definitely do the job.

"But first," Ianto said, realizing something as he looked down at himself. "Here, hold these?" he asked, handing Sulu the jeans before leading him over to his bureau and opening the drawer to get out a clean pair of boxers, because he wasn't going to spend the whole day in the same ones he'd slept in. The blush did nothing to dissipate. "I'm... I'm going to have to ask you to turn around for this, though," he said, smiling bashfully at his companion.

Sulu followed along with Ianto, grinning a little in embarrassment at Ianto as he dug out the boxers. "Yeah, sure, no problem." He could understand the need for privacy, after all. (He wondered if this would escalate to the point where privacy wasn't so needed, but that was a slightly scary prospect - one that he resisted thinking about for long.)

Turning around, he lifted his free hand to try and brush out his hair some more. "Just let me know if... you know, you need your hand."

"Y-yeah, alright," Ianto said, grateful that Sulu was turning around and not watching, completely unaware as to anything that the other might be thinking or wondering, despite the fact that some deep, dark corner of his mind was wondering the same thing. And yet another small, hidden, buried part of him wishing that Sulu were himself for this, so that he'd feel a bit more comfortable with it all.

Ianto did the best he could with removing the boxers one-handed, tossing them across the room and miraculously getting the hamper like he'd intended. He wasted no time in lying out the boxers and stepping into them, sliding them on and up as fast as he could. He...would rather not be standing there naked any longer than he had to, after all. After he was done, he made sure that everything was safe, before nodding, even though Sulu couldn't see him. "Yeah, alright. Well, that part's done," he said, "you can turn around again." He reached out to take the jeans back from Sulu.

"I'm...I'm afraid I'll need to use my hand for these, though. Y'know. With the fastenings, and all. I mean," he said, holding up his free hand, his left one, "I'm not left-handed, after all." Ianto felt a bit embarrassed that Sulu had been able to do it one-handed, but there was that fact, after all.

Sulu turned when Ianto told him it was safe to do so, having barely managed to finally get that blush of his under control. He would readily agree with Ianto - he wished he was himself for this as well, and not in this woman's body instead. Even though he knew he looked pretty damned good for a woman (which was reassuring, since he wasn't really incredibly attractive as a man, as far as he was concerned), he would sort of like to be able to be this close to Ianto in his normal body. It was a little weird to think of himself as a woman, to consider the different limitations and changes he faced whenever he woke up like this.

Luckily, he was able to control his blush better this time, even though Ianto was basically telling him how close his own hand would be to the fly of Ianto's jeans - yeesh. He shook his head with a smile. "Yeah, don't worry about it. It'll be fine."

How Sulu always managed to look so much more composed than Ianto knew he himself did, Ianto hadn't a clue. Ianto was pretty sure that this was going to become a theme with him and Sulu, the blushing. He was pretty sure that he'd blushed the most in front of Sulu than he had in front of anyone else before, including Jack. With Jack, he could just shake his head and well, let himself be flirted with, because it was Jack, but. Things with Sulu were different than what he had with Jack. But that didn't mean that they weren't nice. On the contrary, rather...

"Yeah, alright," Ianto said again, before bending over, stepping into the jeans, pulling them up with the one hand that he had free. He paused, because of just that--Sulu's hand was about to be pulled very close to the fly of his jeans, and well. Yeah. But they were both adults, this was all too new for him, and Jack was going to walk in any second, if he wasn't watching them from the other room as it was. He tried as best he could one-handed to make sure that his boxers were laying correctly in the jeans, because he wasn't comfortable sticking Sulu's hand down his pants, before he gently pulled his hand (and consequentially Sulu's) to fasten the button on the jeans and pull up the zipper.

Edited 2010-07-20 02:42 (UTC)

Sulu himself didn't really know how he was making it through this without looking like a tomato, but he did always pride himself on his ability to (generally) have grace under fire. Thankfully, it wouldn't be a problem for either of them - at least, Sulu hoped it wouldn't be. Because he liked Ianto's bashful blushing, and his stammering. He always would, he figured.

He lightly closed his hand into a fist, keeping his hand as far away from Ianto's pants as possible, biting his lip and looking at Ianto's face in an attempt not to, well, pay attention to how close they were right now. "Jack's... taking his time, huh? I hope he's not going to destroy that uniform, by the way, so make sure he treats it good. Who knows if the Defiant is as used to ruining uniforms as we are."

Ianto finished, and very carefully moved his hand away. "Alright, done," he said, smiling down at Sulu. "And yeah. Knowing Jack, he's either concocting some sort of elaborate story to cover for us, or he's listening in on just about everything that we're saying..." Ianto sincerely hoped that it was not the latter, because well. Some things were better private.

Ianto wasn't sure what Jack thought about all of this with Sulu that had just sprung up. He figured the man would have to be blind not to notice it, but. Jack was always going on about how relationships weren't one-sided like 21st century morals tried to make them. That there were many other, multi-faceted ways that things could be done. But. Ianto really hoped he wasn't making Jack jealous with this. He hadn't said anything aloud to acknowledge it to him, and Jack hadn't said anything about it back, but. He hoped that Jack was beyond jealousy and competition and whatever man-code sort of things that might pop up when your whatever Ianto was to him started flirting with another man.

"As for the uniform..." Ianto blushed. "He'll probably keep it for later, in all honesty. Save it for a rainy day, and all that. He's probably going to change out of it and put it into storage for exactly that, as soon as we get back to the Hub." He shook his head. "Actually, he might even be waiting in the hall for us to be ready to head out with him. Are you all set to go? I'm sorry that, well. I can't give you shoes, or anything. I really didn't keep any of Lisa's, and mine are, well..." He trailed off, still really aware of the full head and then some that he was suddenly taller than Sulu.

Sulu didn't like the idea of someone eavesdropping on them either, especially when their conversation had been so... private. But still, he wouldn't blame Jack if he had - it only made sense, really. Sulu felt suddenly like he might be intruding on Jack and Ianto's life, more than just in a momentary, handcuffed-to-Ianto sort of way. And this wasn't even his time or his universe; wasn't that just going to make this whole thing more difficult?

He was letting his head get away with him, thinking too much about something that was nothing more than a little flirting and maybe some mutual attraction. But, when he looked up at Ianto, he decided that it'd be worth it. Come what may, and all that.

"Well, in all honesty, I probably should confiscate it when he changes, but it'd be pointless, probably. Might come in handy, anyway, if you guys ever need to show up on board. And don't worry about the shoes - I can walk barefoot."

Ianto chuckled. "Maybe we should have you get us a uniform of a slightly lower rank to do that. I know that Jack approves of the fact that it's a captain's uniform, but. Sneaking around a ship might be a little difficult when people are going to know there's only supposed to be one captain aboard, yeah? Not that Jack's going to let you take it back, though. It's probably going into his collection of clothes over the ages that he's got lying around in the Hub." He shook his head. Jack sometimes used that collection of clothes for recreational activities, but Ianto had outright refused the bellbottoms and the disco outfits. Some things were better left to the sands of time, in his opinion.

"Well, c'mon then. Let's go find Jack. If he hasn't come back in by now, he probably won't be coming back in at all. We'll have to fetch him ourselves. I'm going to make some coffee for myself before I leave, though, if you'd like some. Afraid I can't really function through the day without it," he said, smiling apologetically at the other. "You'll probably be making a lot of coffee, while we're stuck together like this. Who knows, maybe you'll even be able to memorize how to do it," he said, smiling.

Ianto started to walk in the direction of the door, making sure that Sulu was following along behind him, rather than dragging him along by the wrist. As he walked, he was hit with a sudden wave of something like vertigo, and tried not to stumble into Sulu on it. He'd overstayed his separation from Jack for a bit too long, it would seem, and Jack, stubborn bastard that he was, was going to make them find him, and not the other way around.

"It wouldn't be hard to modify," Sulu said confidently, "But you're right. If the fact that there was another captain wandering around didn't make things difficult, Jack's confidence probably would." Confidence was a pretty polite way of saying "rampant sexual innuendo," but Sulu was now catering towards the idea that Jack might've actually been listening in.

"Even if I did memorize it, I seriously doubt I'd trust myself to touch that thing," he added, referring to the vaguely complex coffee machine Ianto had in his flat. "But I might actually want some too. Mornings and me don't mix," he laughed.

Sulu followed as side-by-side with Ianto as he could, because it was a bit awkward to be pulled around by his wrist; when the other missed a step, though, he put a hand on his shoulder to steady him with a worried look on his face. "Are you okay?" Even though it obviously wasn't okay, it was... well, the thing to ask.

Ianto smiled at Sulu, knowing that he was steadily getting worse and worse. He'd have to get down the stairs and find Jack quicker than the rate that they were going. It was infuriating that Jack probably wasn't feeling the effects as much as Ianto was, exactly like last time. Jack may be stuck to Ianto, but he was still immortal and whatever else it was that came with being a fixed point in space and time, and therefore he just didn't get as effected by it as normal people. "Yeah, no. I'm... Mornings and me don't mix very well, either," he said, with a shrug. "And, well. When you combine that with this virus..." He sighed. "Let's just go find Jack downstairs, yeah? I can get you some coffee as well."

He quickly decided that his staircase was too narrow for the two of them to walk down side-by-side comfortably, so he let Sulu go down in front of him. He was feeling a little shaky on his feet, and really didn't want to stumble down the stairs and bring Sulu down with him. And so, in addition to sending Sulu down before him, he...might taken hold of Sulu's hand as well, the one that was already attached to Sulu's as well. He could lie to himself and say that it was safer this way, but really, he just wanted the contact. Sulu might not satisfy the virus's pull at that moment, but he wasn't by any means second to the other man, and well. Ianto kind of just liked being close to him, really. This being handcuffed to Sulu thing...really wasn't so bad.

Ianto tried to cover up how embarrassed and just in over his head he felt, and went on talking. "Not sure how we're going to do the whole driving thing, really. I mean, well. I don't have one hand, which is problematic for driving, so. I guess Jack's driving and we're stuck in the back with me with a hand on his shoulder, or something." He sighed. "I'd prefer not to have Jack driving my car, but somehow I doubt the SUV got sent over with him from the Hub."

Sulu was surprised when Ianto took his hand in his, blushing a little again as he tried to figure out why. But it didn't matter. He didn't care if Ianto took him by the hand or put a hand to his cheek or hugged him, or any other thing Ianto could do. He knew that he was pretty much useless against the virus that was making him feel sick, but the contact was still sort of reassuring for Sulu. At least Ianto wasn't holding his temporary body against him; it made Sulu feel more reassured than anything else.

So, he laced his fingers with Ianto's and smiled back at him briefly, keeping a pretty quick step down the stairs. "It should be fine. If anyone can figure out how to manage this whole driving issue, it's you.'

Ianto chuckled. "Really, now? Alright, so I focus a little too much on the details. I like to be prepared for every situation. Call it what you will, anal retentive, obsessive compulsive, nit-picky..." he waved his free hand. "I don't like to be surprised. Not usually. I like things to work out the way they're supposed to, and have order and the likes and well. So very little seems to go the right way with me."

They reached the bottom of the stairs and rounded the corner and just as Ianto suspected, Jack was in the kitchen. "Jack Harkness, you step away from that coffee maker, and you do it now," Ianto commanded, warning tones in his voice. Jack had managed to make a toaster explode one time, and since then, Ianto was not taking any chances. Despite the fact that Jack was there, he didn't drop Sulu's hand, though. He just kind of stepped in front of it, not ready to let go quite yet, not until he got to Jack. "Alright, alright," Jack said, smiling and holding up his hands, moving back from the machine. "If you want me to get through the day, coffee is a must, though."

Ianto rolled his eyes and stepped up to the machine, putting a hand on Jack's shoulder because he had to, and instantly feeling much better. Well, as good as he did on mornings. At least he was awake, thanks to the surprise of waking up in bed with two people he didn't expect to be there, one of which being a half-naked, very feminine Sulu. He squeezed Sulu's hand once more, before dropping it and the hand on Jack's shoulder, and moved to turn the machine on. "If you want to make yourself useful, then, Jack, get three mugs out of the cupboard, will you?"

Jack surprisingly did as he was told, fetching the mugs for the three of them and placing them on the counter next to the machine. He turned and leaned back on it, looking around Ianto to Sulu, but addressing the two of them at once, a large, bright smile across his face. "You two certainly took your time getting Ianto dressed there. Nice jeans, by the way, Ianto."

Sulu laughed at Ianto's reaction to Jack's position in the kitchen, though it admittedly sounded a little awkward since he was surprised by Ianto continuing to hold on to his hand. He'd thought the other would have let go before they even spotted Jack. Sulu was pretty sure he had a sort of goofy smile on his face, but at least as a girl that was just adorable, instead of stupid looking.

He slipped his hand out of Ianto's and took half a step back, unable to really do much, considering the fact that they were handcuffed together. Jack's question made him turn to raise an eyebrow at him, expression falling back into the casual nonchalance that he was so good at manufacturing. "Did we?"

"Oh yeah," Jack said, grinning at the two of them. "You did. Enough time for me to contemplate making my own cup of coffee, despite knowing the results that would come out of that fiasco."

Ianto ducked his head, and went about making cups of coffee for everyone. The process wasn't as complicated as the machine in the Hub. This one wasn't a custom one, it was just your regular, really expensive coffee machine, the one thing in his flat besides his bed and his suits that was really worth anything. And yes, he might've been blushing while he did so. He was just grateful that he had the excuse that he was too busy making coffee to contribute to the conversation very much.

"Anyway, until I get my wriststrap back, we're stuck Hub-side," Jack said, smiling knowingly at Sulu. Very knowingly. Because Jack definitely had almost walked back in the room, saw what was going on, and decided that he could give them their moment. He wondered when either of them would say anything to him directly about it, though. "I called Gwen and told her she had the day off, so we're off the hook for today, at least. As for the rest of it..." He shrugged. "We better just hope that nothing crops up while we're down like this. I'd hate to go out on a call with Ianto in no shirt, and you in no shoes. Might give people the wrong idea about our organization, y'know?" He smiled at the two of them.

"And you're not impulsive enough to just go ahead with that after two minutes, right?" Sulu asked with a smirk. He realized pretty quickly that Ianto was keeping out of this conversation, and he couldn't really blame him. It seemed like the exact kind of conversation that would get him stammering and stumbling, especially when Jack gave him that smile. Sulu could read facial expressions pretty well, and that was definitely a smile that meant that he was just guiding this whole conversation. It probably meant he knew that the two of them had been having a private moment.

Which... didn't really worry him, like it would have normally. He supposed that Jack was just too much like Kirk for him to panic over whether or not he was going to get a shotgun to the face or something equally as 21st century. So, instead of panicking, he just smiled pleasantly and leaned against the counter beside Ianto, trying not to impede his hand. "At least you know that Starfleet uniforms only exude respect and honor," he said, "And it'll probably be okay. At the very least, it'd be entertaining as hell for everyone else."

"Well, I'm glad to see that I'm the only one wishing that there were slightly different circumstances, here," Ianto said, shoving a mug of coffee at Sulu, before going back to make another for Jack. Jack just smiled at him and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Oh, c'mon, Ianto. Don't be like that. We're not saying that there aren't bad points to the situation, alright?" He shrugged. "We're just saying that, well, there's nothing that can be done to change it, so why pick at it? Might as well enjoy it while we can. I know I certainly am enjoying the company, at least."

Ianto rolled his eyes, switching the machine to a stronger brew for Jack. "You would, Jack. I'm not saying that I'm not enjoying the company. I'm just saying..." he trailed off, looking to Sulu and blushing. "Look. I... I really don't mind being attached to you," he said, repeating close to what he'd said earlier, but for Jack's benefit as well, this time. "I don't. And I don't even mind not having a shirt too much. It's, well. It's that there are moments that...that really should be private, and we're going to have to share them until these go away," he said, holding up the cuffs, "and I'm not quite sure how to handle them, yeah?"

Jack shrugs, knowing what Ianto's getting at, but not being particularly bothered by the idea. "So, you'll get to those things when you come to them. Big deal, Ianto. Try not to think so hard about it all. Enjoy it."

Sulu took the mug hesitantly, giving Ianto a sympathetic look. He shrugged noncommittally once more, looking at his coffee instead of Ianto for the time-being. "Understandable, but - we'll figure it out. Don't worry about it." He gave Jack a look, "I wouldn't say enjoy it, though. You're not the one handcuffed and transformed into a different gender, here, after all."

That was for Jack, rather than Ianto, and when he looked back at Ianto he smiled. "It'll be okay. We'll figure it out and everything will work out."

Ianto was endeared by the smile. He wasn't sure that everything would work out and be okay, but he was willing to try and believe so, thanks to the smile he was getting from Sulu. "Yeah, alright," he said, going back to making the coffee, soon having a mug ready for Jack as well. He handed it over and Jack took it gratefully, though he waited to drink it. For one, it was really too hot, fresh out of the machine, and for another, it was only polite to wait for Ianto, considering he hadn't gotten his own coffee yet.

"If..." Ianto said, "if you'd like any food or anything, we could make something quickly, I suppose." He thought about it. "I'm afraid the only thing I've got in is bread for toast, but that's something at least. Anything more elaborate and Jack here might start chomping at the bit."

Jack shrugged, going serious for a moment. "We've got no idea what's going on out there, Ianto. There's nothing obvious on the horizon, but then none of it ever is obvious before it hits. That's why we monitor, try to catch things before they happen, get too out of control for us to handle." That was the idea, anyway. It was hard, with their organization stripped down to three. They really needed to start hiring more, but... Jack was reluctant to hire anyone else to watch get killed working for him. He'd even had moments where he contemplated Retconning both Gwen and Ianto into a time when they didn't know Torchwood, but not only was that dangerous in Ianto's case, it was also impractical. However much he wanted to spare them, he needed people there working for Torchwood. And more importantly, he needed them to be Ianto and Gwen, because despite how much he tried not to get attached, he'd come to love both of them, in their own way.

Sulu was certain that everything would work out, unlike Ianto. He was too optimistic not to. The worst they'd have to deal with would be a few awkward moments, for however long this silly virus lasted. (Unless they did need to deal with some kind of alien threat. Then, Sulu imagined that things wouldn't be so easy to deal with.)

"Whatever happens," he said, "It's not like you can't deal with it - or that I can't deal with it, or Jack." And maybe that meant more than he really meant it to, thinking it over, especially adding Jack's name like that. But it was true; whatever happened, now or later, they were all smart enough to not let it affect them. If it even affected them.

"Have a little faith in us, Ianto," Jack said, with a smile. He saw where Sulu was going with that statement, and figured that he should go along with it. He raised his coffee mug to his lips and drank down the liquid. It was still a little too hot for normal people to drink, but Jack healed fast, and he wanted to get out the door. He didn't like this whole not knowing what was going on at the Hub thing. "Tell you what. I'm good as it is. I'll go get the car started, or whatever. You can bring your coffee along, can't you?" He grinned. "I promise to avoid all bumps and potholes that I find along the way."

Ianto sighed, finishing brewing his cup of coffee. He obviously wasn't going to get his quiet moment to sit and relax and enjoy his coffee this morning, so. "We might as well all just head out now. I..." he sighed again. "I just have to pick up a sheet from the linen closet upstairs, and then we can go."

"You know, Ianto," Jack said, sucking down more of his coffee as fast as he could (which Ianto could never understand how he could do), "you're fine without it. Really. We'll only be outside for the trip from your house to your car. Seems a lot of trouble to go through just for that, y'know?" Jack was as much interested in whether Sulu would back him up on this as he was in Ianto's reaction. Because while they'd been upstairs, Ianto...seemed to have relaxed a little bit. Which was definitely intriguing.

Sulu didn't want to accidentally offend Ianto, but he was pretty sure he wouldn't be able to drink the coffee before they got in the car, and unless he had travel mugs, it'd be asking for trouble. He took a sip despite how hot it still was, and despite the fact it didn't have any cream in it. It didn't matter - at this point, caffeine was caffeine.

He could understand why Ianto didn't want to leave without a shirt, he really could - especially with an Asian woman handcuffed to him - but at the same time, it really did seem pointless. Like Jack had pointed out, they'd only be outside for a few moments before climbing into the car, anyway. He briefly put his cuffed hand over Ianto's to catch his attention before agreeing with Jack (possibly at no surprise to either of them). "He's right, you know. I do understand why you might want to cover up, but you really shouldn't need to."

Ianto looked between the two of them, drinking their coffee down before they really should have, Sulu even before he'd put any cream or anything in it Ianto hadn't been awake enough to remember about that, or at least not present enough to think about the way the other took his coffee, which really said something about the current state of things. He certainly would've used travel mugs, had he any, but he had a coffee machine at the Hub and wasn't normally running out the door between here and there with coffee, so he hadn't ever really had the need, until that moment. The other two were being forced to make sacrifices they might not have normally chosen. Ianto...decided to do the same.

He sighed. "Yeah, fine. Alright. I'll...I'll manage." It really shouldn't have been a problem for him at all, anyway. If Sulu could go outside in a different gender and not worry too much, Ianto supposed he could go out without a shirt. "I...I'm sorry about the coffee, too," Ianto apologized to Sulu. Jack, he didn't really care whether he burned himself or anything, Jack was always drinking his coffee too fast, but Sulu... "I...haven't any cream, I don't think, nor any appropriate traveling mugs or anything like that. I." He blushed, again. "I don't usually have anyone over to have to need either of them." Next time, he'd be more prepared, he thought. And blushed again, because that was assuming that there would be another morning with Sulu at his flat, and he wasn't sure he should really continue along that thought process any longer.

Sulu blinked, having not really even considered it a problem. Taste wasn't what he cared about, at the moment - it was the caffeine he needed, after all. He smiled reassuringly and shook his head. "Don't worry about it, seriously. I can drink anything when I first wake up, sweet or bitter. Besides, your coffee is good on its own." He took another sip to prove his point.

And, really - good coffee, nice looking jeans... this morning could have been pretty great, if only he weren't a woman. He had to wonder if he'd get another shot at this whole situation - preferably without the handcuffs that couldn't be unlocked and the mixed up chromosomes. He knew he wouldn't be opposed to it - but. It'd be... The situation would have to be a little different, to get him to this point. The community wouldn't just drop him off in his sleep. It'd probably be one of the things Sulu and Ianto would have to talk about...

He shook his head to clear his thoughts, since they were sort of useless at the moment, looking up at Jack with a smile. "So, does this mean I get to experience your driving? Since," he lifted the hand attached to Ianto's, "I kind of have Ianto tied up, here."

It hadn't occured to Jack, but once Sulu'd mentioned it, a very wide grin spread across Jack's face. "Oh yeah," Jack said, practically rocking on his heels, the effect a little different thanks to the Starfleet captain's uniform that he was wearing, rather than his normal blue shirt and braces. "It does, doesn't it?" He drank down a good portion of the rest of his coffee, practically bouncing at the thought. "Ianto, you wouldn't mind if we took the long way to work, would you?" He said it like he cared very little about what Ianto's response was going to be, he was going to do it anyway.

Ianto cradled his mug to his face as best he could, with only one hand, and looked at Jack. He knew it was hopeless, a lost cause to try and convince Jack that that might be a bad idea. "Jack... You know you're going to be driving my car, right? Not the SUV. No sirens to work with. If you're being too reckless, we are going to be pulled over."

Jack shrugs. "Relax. All I have to say is," he puts on his official voice, "Captain Jack Harkness, Torchwood, authorization code: 474317," before speaking normally again, "and then make up some excuse about why we were joyriding through the center of Cardiff. Easy. I'm good at coming up with things on the spot, I've been doing it for years." And years, and years. Before Torchwood, he'd been a conman, and it was hard to be a conman if you weren't quick on your feet when it came to making up stories. Not that he lied to his friends, not often at least. He needed someone to be honest to, to make him feel more like a real person and not a fixed point in space and time. Even if even to Ianto, the person who knew the most about him, he was never completely honest. "Come on then, boys, drink up, and let's get this show on the road!"

Ianto rolled his eyes and sipped his coffee. He had a feeling that he was the only one who wasn't going to enjoy Jack's joyriding around the city. He thanked every deity he could think of that he wasn't the one who'd been changed into a woman, because really, womanly shrieking was really quite unbecoming. At least with his Y chromosome intact, he could keep it all inside his head.

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