Truthfully, there wasn't any more that Sulu could say to show that he understood exactly how Jim was feeling. Truthfully, he'd done a damn good job of showing he knew just how much of an idiot he'd been and that he was sorry.
Truthfully, Jim was a five year old and realized he was just hurt and it felt like the rational thing to do would be to make Sulu feel hurt, too.
But, that was stupid, and with an extended rant on Sulu's part for him to realize this, Jim's fist unclenched and he ran a hand through his hair, tugging it slightly and subconsciously noting that he needed a haircut again if that was possible. He pursed his lips into a thin line, avoiding Sulu's glance at first and then finally fixing on it. The silence that fell between them was anxious and extended because Jim just didn't know what to say.
"That's why saying you screwed up wasn't good enough. Because every time it was just following protocol or trying to manipulate me into forgiving you - you don't want to resign, but if you said it, you'd push me into saying I still want you around. And, I do. I needed you to get to the point where you said fuck protocol and meant the shit you were saying." His wording was impeccably clear that Sulu had accomplished this, but Jim realized that while he was being a woman, he probably needed it further spelled out so he couldn't read things into it that would dig him deeper.
"I forgive you. I understand. You can stop ... trying to shove your position on the Enterprise off onto Sylar now. It hurts, knowing someone feels like they can't trust you." He left out that he didn't really feel like he could trust Sulu as much anymore now, either. After all, honesty was a part of that, right? Jim really needed to spend less time around Sylar - it was getting hard to tell what was actually his own rational thought and what he'd had shouted at him in that whiny voice so many times it became second nature.
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Date: 2009-11-25 08:27 pm (UTC)Truthfully, Jim was a five year old and realized he was just hurt and it felt like the rational thing to do would be to make Sulu feel hurt, too.
But, that was stupid, and with an extended rant on Sulu's part for him to realize this, Jim's fist unclenched and he ran a hand through his hair, tugging it slightly and subconsciously noting that he needed a haircut again if that was possible. He pursed his lips into a thin line, avoiding Sulu's glance at first and then finally fixing on it. The silence that fell between them was anxious and extended because Jim just didn't know what to say.
"That's why saying you screwed up wasn't good enough. Because every time it was just following protocol or trying to manipulate me into forgiving you - you don't want to resign, but if you said it, you'd push me into saying I still want you around. And, I do. I needed you to get to the point where you said fuck protocol and meant the shit you were saying." His wording was impeccably clear that Sulu had accomplished this, but Jim realized that while he was being a woman, he probably needed it further spelled out so he couldn't read things into it that would dig him deeper.
"I forgive you. I understand. You can stop ... trying to shove your position on the Enterprise off onto Sylar now. It hurts, knowing someone feels like they can't trust you." He left out that he didn't really feel like he could trust Sulu as much anymore now, either. After all, honesty was a part of that, right? Jim really needed to spend less time around Sylar - it was getting hard to tell what was actually his own rational thought and what he'd had shouted at him in that whiny voice so many times it became second nature.