when I look at the stars I feel like myself

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I don't think moving to another city would uproot my entire life. But yeah, I would. I'd move a lot farther than a city, for that matter.

Wow, I don't even remember the last time I did one of these. It was... a long time ago. I haven't even been using his journal very often, which is sort of a shame. I actually got a little concerned because some of the viruses lately have been passing me by, and I wasn't sure if it was just plain luck or because the community was getting ready to forget about me. Seriously, I was freaking out because something strange wasn't happening to me. That's not what I'd call healthy.

I should probably make sure not to bring any of that up at the next psych evaluation.

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Nothing out of the ordinary, I don't think, but the space under my bed when I was 5 or so was one of those terrifying places where all the things I lost went, probably because of some monster hoarding them to try and tempt me down there. I grew out of it pretty fast but still, there's something disturbing about having a big, empty space under your bed where a person can fit.


I think I've finally made up for the lost time from that virus. I really should train somebody else to handle the botany lab if I get incapacitated like that again, because some of the plants in there are sort of volatile. But, that whole thing wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been - which is something everyone else has already pointed out.

Apologies all around for acting like a fourteen-year-old with no social graces but, in my defense, I was a fourteen-year-old with no social graces. Could have been worse, though - could have been thirteen.


So, any bets on how horrible the next virus will be, to make up for this one being pretty entertaining all around?

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I don't think there's anybody in the galaxy that can say they never made a mistake when they were younger. More than that, I doubt there's anyone who doesn't have one thing they'd want to change about their past. But, we're not talking about generalizations here.

I got really frustrated one night when I was twelve and decided to run away. I don't even remember if it was school or family or a combination of that plus a general "life sucks when you can't drive or do anything interesting" sort of vibe. It was kind of a dumb move, since my family lives in a pretty urban area and twelve is not exactly the best age to go wandering around the bay area alone, but I was smart about it. I left a detailed note about my reasons for leaving (God, I think I even made some reference to the samurai way of life, I don't know what the hell I was thinking) and packed enough clothes and money to last me a week or two, because I figured I could get out of the city and find work somewhere.

That was kind of the stupidest thing I could have figured, but whatever. I was so intent on leaving, I even snuck out at an obscene hour in all black (not thinking that maybe a car would hit me, but hey, I was twelve). I got to the shuttle station and ended up giving half of my money to this old lady trying to get a ride out east. So no one can say I wasn't a ridiculously compassionate kid. I didn't have enough money for the ticket I needed, so I tried to sneak on board. A cop saw me and dragged me by the hair back to my house, pretty much.

Honestly, though, the only reason I regret this is because my grandmother still won't let it go. Hearing the same story about my night as a samurai warrior at every family function for almost ten years is really obnoxious.

As to going back - if I could, I probably wouldn't, just because I'm pretty sure working in a field wouldn't exactly lead to bigger and brighter things. ...Actually, I would go back and forgo the whole thing. That was the worst night ever - and trust me, I've had some really terrible nights.

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The idea of "love at first sight" is kind of silly when you think about it. Nothing starts out as a full blooming, solid emotion - it needs to grow before you can really get anything out of it. The thing is, though, that people usually say "instant chemistry" or something to indicate sexual attraction, rather than romantic attraction. It's kind of weird that the question's phrasing it in more long-term ways.

I've tried giving other people second chances romantically and it usually ends in about the same way that it did the first time. It's not really quantum physics, there. Unromantically, second chances usually end badly because there's a lingering bitterness over whatever happened that made you two stop being friends. It's not the best, but it happens.

The first person I dated in the Academy wasn't exactly my type, but they grew on me, so I guess that's a yes.


These writer's blocks are pretty interesting for when you're trying to get some sleep and can't. Good way to wind down.