Log with Kirk: Give me one more chance!

[parked]

Sulu knew what he had to do more than anything; he had to... go apologize to Jim. It was an awful feeling in his stomach that came with the idea that he'd lied to one of the most decent guys he knew and for something so ridiculously stupid.

Chewing on his nails and fretting about it, however, wasn't going to solve any problems. So, he quietly dried his hair, donned his uniform and headed for the Captain's quarters.

He really needed to stop being so upset. It was an honest mistake - a stupid one, but one he could live with if he could... explain it to Jim. (Which was going to be hard, since he didn't even know why he did it at all.)

When he reached the Captain's quarters, he called through the room's comm. "...Captain Kirk, sir?"

Comments

[yeswedo.livejournal.com]

Truthfully, there wasn't any more that Sulu could say to show that he understood exactly how Jim was feeling. Truthfully, he'd done a damn good job of showing he knew just how much of an idiot he'd been and that he was sorry.

Truthfully, Jim was a five year old and realized he was just hurt and it felt like the rational thing to do would be to make Sulu feel hurt, too.

But, that was stupid, and with an extended rant on Sulu's part for him to realize this, Jim's fist unclenched and he ran a hand through his hair, tugging it slightly and subconsciously noting that he needed a haircut again if that was possible. He pursed his lips into a thin line, avoiding Sulu's glance at first and then finally fixing on it. The silence that fell between them was anxious and extended because Jim just didn't know what to say.

"That's why saying you screwed up wasn't good enough. Because every time it was just following protocol or trying to manipulate me into forgiving you - you don't want to resign, but if you said it, you'd push me into saying I still want you around. And, I do. I needed you to get to the point where you said fuck protocol and meant the shit you were saying." His wording was impeccably clear that Sulu had accomplished this, but Jim realized that while he was being a woman, he probably needed it further spelled out so he couldn't read things into it that would dig him deeper.

"I forgive you. I understand. You can stop ... trying to shove your position on the Enterprise off onto Sylar now. It hurts, knowing someone feels like they can't trust you." He left out that he didn't really feel like he could trust Sulu as much anymore now, either. After all, honesty was a part of that, right? Jim really needed to spend less time around Sylar - it was getting hard to tell what was actually his own rational thought and what he'd had shouted at him in that whiny voice so many times it became second nature.

[parked]

Sulu gave Jim a wary look because - well, because he honestly didn't believe half of that shit. "Wait... Honestly? You really believe I was only... saying I was sorry to manipulate you?" He rolled his eyes. "Jim, look. When I don't know what to do, I rely on protocol. It doesn't mean I didn't mean any of it or that I was trying to manipulate you."

It wasn't that he wanted to keep the argument going, he just... needed to make sure they were both on the same page. "And I really wish it were something I could explain better, but I do trust you, you're the only person I trust to not... let me do stupid things, which is why I should have contacted you instead of Dr. McCoy." He was just making it worse, he knew it. "I'll stop, I'm sorry. I'm just trying to... be clear."

[yeswedo.livejournal.com]

Jim, on the other hand, was very much done with this conversation. As much as he liked having heart to hearts, he knew he was only going to get frustrated and probably make things worse if it continued and if he actually told Sulu that he didn't believe a word of him just trying to follow protocol. If it looked like manipulation, and all that.

"No. Yeah. I mean, I get it." He didn't. But, you'd never be able to tell from his face, because it looked genuine enough. "Just know next time that you can come to me with anything, all right? It's what I'm here for." Personnel issues were, unfortunately, literally a part of the job description.

[parked]

Sulu chewed his lip and nodded. "...Yeah. Okay. I'm sorry, I'll get out of your hair." He even stepped backwards, towards the door. His stomach still felt ridiculously knotted and he wasn't sure how he was supposed... to fix that, but if Jim was satisfied then that was a step in the right direction.

[yeswedo.livejournal.com]

Jim was smart enough to catch the hesitance. He raised a brow. "Unless there's something else." He wasn't about to push Sulu to respond, so he left it as a statement rather than a question, and turned to his table, moving a few things around on the screen of a PADD that lay there.

[parked]

"...No," he sighed, shaking his head. "...Thanks for not throwing me out." God, was he really this emotional? He moved to the door for certain now, "I'll let myself out."