Log with Jack: Don't Belive in No-Win Scenarios

[parked]

After Merlin had left him, Sulu had spent a few minutes just looking at the towel he'd wrapped around the amulet, as if he were afraid touching it would ruin the spell that was cast on it. He wondered what anyone else on this ship would have to say to the fact that in the last few months, Sulu had come into contact with two magical objects, and that he didn't even think to try and explain it away like any scientist worth his salt would.

Shaking his head, Sulu picked up the wrapped amulet and headed for his cabin; he'd come up to the lab after making his post, needing to be surrounded by things that he knew wouldn't go wrong while he waited for a potential solution to a problem they shouldn't, by any rights, be able to solve. And yet, now Sulu was holding something that just might work in his hand, something that, yes, would require some sacrifices, but Sulu imagined that Ianto was extremely lucky to have a man like Jack Harkness in his life. As a matter of fact, Sulu was pretty sure that everything falling into place as it had just proved his point - for a man who didn't necessarily believe in fate, he was putting a lot of stock into these random happenings.

He shook himself out briefly as he reached his room, then entered the code and walked through the door as it slid open, searching out Jack - half expecting to be thrown into an argument right away.


((OOC: Takes place after this log, which in turn happened because of this post.))

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[51stcentury]

Jack sat on the floor across from the door, his back against the wall, his PDA in hand, staring at the ceiling as he had been for the past however long it had been since he'd stumbled across Sulu's post on the community. It had taken all of his effort not to just storm out of the room to go and find the other man, not to take him by the shoulders and yell at him that as much as he wished he could believe him, that he could join with Sulu in hoping for it all, he knew it would never work, and he couldn't suffer another loss like that, he just couldn't. Didn't Sulu know how much it hurt to have to emphasize over and over again the fact that they were in about as hopeless a situation as they could get into? That nothing short of a miracle would fix this, and let's face it, miracles and Jack Harkness never happened in the same sentence.

Sulu had taken his time to get back to Jack since he said he'd be coming back. Time enough that Jack had worked himself into a mood, so that when Sulu came back into the room, Jack just sent him a glance, before returning to staring up at the ceiling again, a muscle in his jaw twitching as he clenched it tight. Jack wasn't sure he was ready to have this argument again, but by god, if he had to, then he supposed that he was going to have to.

[parked]

The glare was enough for Sulu to decide on what kind of tactic to take, the door sliding shut behind him as he stepped forward, wandering over to slide down against the wall himself, resting next to Jack. He knew he needed to say something; he knew that Jack probably wanted space, or to yell at him, but Sulu knew that this whole thing relied on Jack's cooperation. He wasn't going to be able to find anyone else to help him.

"I had to get something from Merlin," he said, calmly, like he was commenting on the weather. "Before I could come talk to you. I had to talk to him." He held out the towel, towards Jack. "Just don't touch it yet." He didn't know if he could or not - but better safe than sorry.

[51stcentury]

Jack rolled his head to look down at whatever it was that Sulu was holding out towards him. "It's a towel," Jack commented petulantly, not making any sort of move to reach out and take the object from Sulu, or to open the towel to see what was inside, or do much of anything at all. The fact of the matter was that Jack didn't think he could keep arguing like this anymore, didn't want to argue.

He wanted to believe Sulu, wanted to fix everything and get Ianto back, but whatever herbal supplement or special potion that Merlin had brewed for them there just wasn't going to do any of that, no matter how much they hoped that it would, and why couldn't the younger man just accept that? Why was he torturing himself over something that was only going to end in heartache?

[parked]

Sulu took a breath and then turned so that he was facing Jack, giving him a dark look that showed just how much he disapproved of the other's comment. He didn't need him to be so damned sullen. "It's not a towel and you know that," he snapped, moving his hand so that the cloth slid away, revealing the amulet that was glowing golden. He wanted to just tell Jack, explain to him what had to happen and how it worked and then, they'd just do it, but he knew it wasn't going to be that easy. Nothing was ever that easy with a captain.

"You may not think I'm being realistic or that I'm even thinking straight, and you may think that this is going to end in tears, but damn it, Jack. I told you. I can't not hope. I can't not try. And I can't do it without you."

[51stcentury]

Jack didn't recognize what the object was exactly, other than an amulet, and not just a normal amulet at that, judging by the way it was glowing. That he'd gotten it from Merlin, so it must be enchanted or magical of some shape or form. He also knew that objects that had some sort of control over life and death were not to be idly toyed with. He knew first hand how those sorts of things could backfire and go horribly wrong--how the one gauntlet had nearly drained Gwen of all of her life force. How the other had brought Owen back for good, but dead, the walking dead, all bitter and wrong and hating him for doing that to him. He didn't think he could live with Ianto hating him for something like that, he just couldn't. He owed it to Sulu to at least hear him out on what it was, though. Dropping his chin to his chest, Jack took a breath in and let it out, trying to get himself to calm down and just listen, to break out of the mood and be objective about this, although lord, was that hard.

"Fine," he said, tiredly. "Tell me."

[parked]

Sulu may not have been well versed in specific life-restoring rituals, but he was someone who read mythology and knew all the different ways these things could go wrong. It was why he'd hesitated to talk to Eris, why he'd gone for Merlin instead, and it was why he felt like he could trust what the other had said. He was Merlin. Younger than he should be or not, Sulu knew what that meant. And he knew that the stakes given to him for this particular artifact was accurate; most people didn't have someone who could never stay dead as part of the ritual.

"Merlin explained to me that the spell he used - it's meant for this thing, and it's meant for exactly what we want. It's not a temporary restoration, it's not just a few minutes or an undeath or something. I." He was treading into territory that he hadn't thought to ask about, but he had his guesses and he was going to go with them. It seemed logical enough, and really. Magic was logical, if you looked at the old stories. It was just impossible. "It takes one person's life and uses it to charge up the other. The person who we use wears it, and then after they're. Gone, it just gets put on Ianto, and then. It's supposed to work." And there was no harm, no foul, in this. Because they wouldn't be using just anybody. And he knew Jack would get that.

[51stcentury]

Jack brought a hand up to run over his face, and then run through his hair. He knew exactly who Sulu was thinking of using to do this. And it made sense, really. It wasn't as though it would really cost him all that much, other than the pain and discomfort of another death, another resurrection, but if that would save Ianto, then he would do it. There were just a few things he needed to go over first, though.

"Okay. So it doesn't bring someone back to be the undead, it transfers a life to another. What if... What if he comes back forever, like me? Or...how do we know that he won't just die when I revive again? What if...what if the sacrifice has to stay dead for this? What if using me doesn't work for this thing? What then?" Jack looked at Sulu, his blue eyes sad, but. If you looked very, very close, there might be just a little spark of something, maybe, just waiting to be kindled. "He'd never forgive us for using someone else," he said, gravely. "You know that as well as I do."

[parked]

Those were all questions Sulu had only thought of for seconds before leaving them in the dust, too eager to find out if it would work, to get Ianto back, to consider these sorts of things. He ran a hand through his hair. "I told Merlin why you would be doing it, and he didn't say anything that would mean you needed to stay dead. There's no reason. I mean - you die, right? It's not a stasis, it's actual death. That should be all that matters."

He looked at the amulet. "If it doesn't work - if you don't work, then I'll find something else. Or a way around it. Merlin, he'll either be able to help find a loophole, or..." Or, he could ask Eris. "Or, I'll find someone else to help."

[51stcentury]

Jack bit his lip, looking down at the amulet some more. "I do die. It's... I just come back," he said, as he thought. There had to be some sort of catch with this thing. There always were catches. Nothing would be this simple, certainly not when you were dealing with life and death. Life and death were ugly, complicated things, and there was a reason that people just didn't usually have the ability to mess around with them. "You do know that you're probably going to have to kill me for this," he said, looking straight at Sulu. "Especially if Merlin mentioned the word 'sacrifice' in any of this. Can you do that? I mean really. Depending on how you do it, I'll be dead for 5, 10 minutes, and you'll either have to wait for me to come back, or to do it yourself. Can you handle that?"

There really was only one matter on Jack's mind, though, and he sighed because of it. "Look, I'm... I'm not trying to scare you, and I'm not trying to bring you down. It's just. Ianto's been dead for a long time. Longer than I've ever stayed dead. And I know what it's like...on the other side. How... How do we know that even if we bring him back, even if physically he's just like he was, that he won't be...damaged from any of this?" he asked Sulu, looking at him sadly, intensely, like. Like this really was his only worry, and if Sulu could somehow shove some hope into him that it wouldn't happen, then maybe...maybe Jack would believe it too.

[parked]

Sulu had been a relentless optimist enough to see the look on Jack's face for what it was; he needed to convince Jack, somehow, that this was going to be okay. That they had the right idea, that things were going to be okay. And maybe they wouldn't be. Maybe this whole thing would fail, or Ianto would hate them for bringing him back, or not even remember them, or - who knew?

But, for probably the first time in his life, Sulu had complete and utter faith in the very fabric of the universe, and he wasn't going to give it up now that he had it. He knew that Jack wasn't going to be able to take faith as an answer, and he knew that he didn't even properly know what was on this other side of theirs, but. "Ianto is too stubborn to come back wrong," he said, "And we're both too stubborn to do anything that might hurt him."

He left the fact that he'd have to kill Jack out. One thing at a time, he figured.

[51stcentury]

Jack brought his knees up to his chest, bending his head down to rest against them as he ran his hands through his hair. This was insane. They were going to trust a piece of jewelry with what was probably their most prized possession, and who knew what could happen. It could not work at all, and they'd be back at square one again. It could work, and work wrong, and Ianto could hate them for it like Owen hated him for bringing him back wrong before. If Ianto even had his mind about him--a week was a long time to be alone in that darkness, Jack knew for a fact. And yet... It could work.

He didn't miss the fact that Sulu had skipped over his other question, and so, without raising his head, he asked the other man again, his voice muffled against his pants. "Are you alright with doing this? All of it--are you ready to make the sacrifices needed in order to try and bring him back? You're not going to be able to half-ass this, it's all or nothing. You're going to have to kill me, and then you're going to have to either do it yourself, or wait until I come back. And even after that, there's a chance that it might not work. I need to know that you can handle this, Lieutenant Sulu," he said, his voice commanding, his captain's voice.

[parked]

Sulu hesitated, giving it some serious thought. In theory, it would be easy. Sulu was a soldier; he knew how to kill people. He had done it before. It was by no means a stretch to think that he could physically bring himself to do it. But this was Jack - the Romulans had been enemies, but Jack was definitely not that. He'd never even thought of harming a friend before.

Logically, it was the only way. And he reminded himself that Jack could come back, and would come back, and it was more like knocking him out, really. Sort of. He looked at Jack's bowed head and smiled wryly. "It's okay," he said finally, "I'm not exactly a saint. If you couldn't come back, I wouldn't even think of it, but. This is our safest way."

[51stcentury]

Jack sat there in the same position for a moment, just weighing his options. There was a handful of things that could go wrong with this, things that they could end up regretting for a long time to come. And yet... Sulu had this amulet from Merlin, they knew as much as they could about how to work it, how it was supposed to work. Sulu had faith in it, Merlin had enough faith in it to give it to them in the first place, so. What...did they really have left to lose?

Jack picked up his head and uncurled himself, biting his lip, before bracing a hand on the wall behind him, sliding his feet underneath him so that he could stand. "...I'm going to have to make some phone calls," he said. "We're going to need a place to do this, and... A doctor, probably. Someone who could keep a secret well enough--all the Retcon is buried in the rubble of the Hub..."

[parked]

Watching Jack stand, Sulu nodded slowly. It would be a good idea to have a doctor on hand - who knew how it would work, and if - when - it did, they might need someone to help make sure Ianto was recovering safely. And Sulu didn't want to do something like this in the medical bay of the Enterprise. Logically, it would make sense, but he didn't want to bring Ianto into that setting. Somewhere more recognizable would be better.

And Jack... He looked up at the other. "Are. Jack, you need to be sure - can you let me do this to you? You need to be willing."

[51stcentury]

Jack looked down at Sulu for a moment, his expression neutral as he listened to the other man reason around killing him, before he responded. "Sulu, if I thought that it would help get Ianto back, I'd let you put another bomb in me, and that really wasn't my idea of a good time. I think it's pretty fair to say that I'm willing. I just... I hope you choose something a little less difficult. If you want me coming back in the next few minutes, it's got to be something a little bit easier to recover from."

Even as he spoke, Jack's mind was racing. He'd get a room in the Royal Infirmary in a matter of hours, but. Who to call to help out on this? It had to be a doctor, but how many doctors did he know? Martha was on her honeymoon, and talk about ruining someone's day, he couldn't call her. Owen...who knows if Owen went through with the Retcon yet or not, but he couldn't risk it, in case he had. Who else... Jack suddenly remembered a few weeks back, a pleasant man who they'd shown around the Hub, who Jack had teased a little and Ianto had stood up for, who seemed to get on with the pair of them and didn't seem to mind how insane Torchwood was all that much.

He started scrolling through his phone. "I... I've gotta call the Royal Infirmary. And. I think I know a doctor that might be able to help." He paused, looking at Sulu. "You're sure about this? There's no turning back, once we start down this road, you know."

[parked]

"Right." Sulu nodded, his mind already wondering just how he was going to do this. The easiest would be a phaser blast, and he knew exactly where to fire, exactly how high a setting - "I think we can skip the bombs," he said finally.

At Jack's next question, Sulu shifted, pushing himself to his feet and regarding Jack with a serious, even gaze. "Jack," he said, "I'm sure about this. I'm completely sure about this. What happened was - we both know it shouldn't have happened. And normally, there'd be no way to fix this, no chance of bringing Ianto back, but we don't have a normal situation. We've got a chance and I am positive I want to do this."

[51stcentury]

Jack nodded. "Alright," he said, "then... Then we will." He tabbed through his phone until he found John's number. He wasn't even sure why he had it. Probably added it to his address book on a whim, after they'd met for the first time. Maybe Ianto had even added it in there, as a precaution. They both knew that they would need to have people who were doctors close by, until they actually got around to hiring another one.

Jack realized that he could make the calls right there, but. There was something that felt weird about arranging things with Sulu in the room, just sitting there listening. He took a step toward the hallway. "I... I'll be back, alright? In a few minutes. I just need to make these calls, I need..." He needed to be up and moving, and not pacing the floor of Sulu's cabin, like he had been doing for the last week or so.

[parked]

Sulu understood exactly what Jack was thinking in that moment and nodded quickly. "Yeah, of course. You shouldn't run into any trouble. Everyone... They know you're here, by now." Which was true. Between his arrival and the few times he knew Jack had gone to pace outside, Sulu was sure that rumors had spread like wildfire about Jack visiting him during his bereavement leave. He allowed himself a moment of mortification, because he knew exactly what kind of rumors would no doubt spring up unbidden.

After Jack left, though, Sulu was a bundle of energy. He was contemplating everything, pacing circles in his room as he fully considered just how insane this whole thing was. They were going to try and bring Ianto back with magic; they were going to sacrifice Jack's life - one of them - to bring Ianto back. They were bringing Ianto back.

He knew, deep down, that he should be prepared for the worst - for this not to work, for this to go wrong - but he felt in his bones that it was going to be okay. Everything was going to be fine. And after this was all over, he was... There was no way to deny it any more, how strongly he felt for Ianto, and he was going to have to tell him when he got him back. ...Maybe after Jack had some time with Ianto, because. Because Ianto loved him and Sulu honestly couldn't bring himself to try to step between them for even a minute.

[51stcentury]

Jack made his way down the hallway, first calling the Royal Infirmary, pulling every stop he could. If they needed the room that quickly, the Infirmary could get it ready in a matter of hours, but. Jack told them to hold that thought, that he'd get right back to them on it, and then he called John, to see when he could be available--to see if he'd even be willing to do this. And surprisingly enough, it'd actually been fairly easy to get the other man on his side. Jack wasn't sure whether that was just because John was a nice person, or whether he was agreeing to do it for Ianto, but he didn't care. He set up a random time the next day--noon, the easiest time he could think of to remember--for them to meet, filled John in on everything, and then hung up to call the Infirmary back, and arrange to have a room ready for that.

By the time he'd done all of that, Jack'd walked a full circuit of the hallway that Sulu's cabin was on several times over, but he had his answer. He made it back to the cabin, stepping in to look over at Sulu, sliding the phone into his pocket. "Tomorrow," he said. "Noon. The Infirmary'll have a room set up for us, and John, the doctor that's going to help us out, he'll be meeting us there. The only thing that we really have to do is...get Ianto's body from the off-site cryogenics facility to the room."

[parked]

Sulu heard his door open and immediately stopped pacing, standing there a little stupidly in the middle of his room and turning to face Jack. He had no idea who John was, no idea if he was the right man for the job, but Sulu trusted Jack. He could tell, just from Jack's tone and posture, that this was going to work. He knew it was going to work. Everything was being set up perfectly and -

"Tomorrow?" Sulu blinked at the idea that this was going to happen soon; he didn't know why it shouldn't, but he'd almost gotten used to the planning and the waiting. "...Okay. Yeah, all right. How... should we do that, then? Getting Ianto, I mean."

[51stcentury]

Jack chewed on his lip, running a hand through his hair. "Guess I'm gonna have to see if I can charm an ambulance out of the Infirmary long enough to go and pick him up. Shouldn't be too hard, though. They owe me, and I've got the authority to order them out of it, if they don't willing give one up."

He backtracked to Sulu's first statement, though. "Is... Is tomorrow alright for you, then? Because. Well, I don't know about you, but I don't really want to sit around waiting, thinking about whether this is going to work or not, when we could be finding out whether it'll work or not. I mean. We could even do it today, if we want to, but." Jack took in a breath, and let it out slowly. "Something tells me that we're going to want to gather all of our strength for tomorrow, get some rest now. I mean. Who knows what'll happen. We've... We've gotta be prepared for all of it."

[parked]

"Tomorrow's fine," he said quickly, shaking his head. "Tomorrow's the best time. We need... to be ready for this, for anything that might happen." Sulu didn't believe that anything bad would happen - nothing permanent, at least - but he wanted to at least show Jack that he did consider that sort of thing. That this wasn't just a naive hope of a very stupidly optimistic kid. "And we'll do this tomorrow, and. God."

He only ever used that exclamation rarely; it was a throwback to less enlightened times, really, when religion was a larger part of the human consciousness, but it came to Sulu as the only really logical thing to say right then, the only word that would properly encompass the massive swirl of anxiety and hope and blind faith that he had inside him at that moment. "This..." Had to work. "Is going to get really complicated, isn't it."

[51stcentury]

Jack smiled a little, not really because he was happy, but more of a stress relief kind of thing, and because Sulu just sounded so overwhelmed in that moment, after being so sure of everything before. "Yeah. It's... It's definitely going to get really complicated, to say the least."

"Better get as much rest as we can tonight," Jack said. Even though resting was really all that they'd been doing for the past week--in between moments of restlessness where Jack couldn't sit still and went exploring the ship for hours at a time while Sulu...slept, or worked in his lab, or did whatever it was that he did while Jack hadn't been around. "Tomorrow... Tomorrow's going to be a big day, after all." Especially if it all worked. Jack had been so focused on what he would do if it didn't, how he would feel if it failed, but. What if it worked? He couldn't even imagine...

[parked]

Sulu could imagine. Well, he could at least imagine what would happen, if this all worked, if they really did get Ianto back. He imagined that between Jack and himself, Ianto would be protected from anything that might come up again, and he knew that neither of them would let him enter something that might end as badly as this had. Eventually, he knew Ianto would convince them to back off, but he hoped they'd at least get a little time to be overprotective. And he'd give him and Jack some time alone, checking in but keeping his distance so they could work things out, figure out where they stood, and then Sulu would see where Ianto wanted him to stand within that. It was only fair, after all.

...And if it didn't work...

He didn't want to think about it. "I still need to... finish up in the botany lab." In truth, there were only a few things that needed checking, and he could do it later, but he didn't know if he could rest right now. He was wired with possibilities. "...Is that all right? Do you... You could come with me, if you want. I just don't know if I can sit still right now," he admitted.

[51stcentury]

Jack ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah, I... If that's alright with you? I mean. I don't think I can just sit here and wait right now, either. I know that I'm not going to be able to get this off of my mind, the least I can do is be doing something else to keep me preoccupied." There was only so much checking the community and his emails and other things that he could do with his phone that Jack could take, and he'd done it all already. It was how he'd stumbled on Sulu's entry in the first place.

"You could even put me to work doing something, there, if you want. Or... Send me on an errand, or something. I just..." Don't leave alone to my thoughts, he wanted to say, or I might convince myself that this is actually a pretty bad idea, and then we'll be right back to where we started. "Yeah. Sitting still is going to be pretty impossible, all things considered."

[parked]

Sulu nodded, completely understanding Jack's need to be moving. It was why he needed to be up there, doing something that was productive while they waited. It was all anticipation at this point; everything was ready, except for them.

"Of course," he said, smiling a bit at Jack as he moved towards the door. "I'm not going to make you deal with my plants, though. But it'll be nice to have somebody in there with me." He'd never thought he'd say something like that, but there it was. For the first time Sulu could remember, he didn't want to just be alone with his plants.

[51stcentury]

Jack nodded in response to Sulu sparing him working with the plants, rocking on his feet just out of the pure need to be doing something. He never had been much good at botany--he didn't really have the patience for it. He'd rather leave plants and such to the people who understood them better, who would give them the attention they deserved.

"Sure, that's fine. It's probably for the best, really. I have a tendency to kill just about everything I touch, anyway," he said, self-deprecatingly, the words out of his mouth before he had a chance to really register what he was saying, coming straight from a deep, dark place inside of him that apparently wanted one last chance at rearing its ugly head.

[parked]

As soon as what Jack said registered with him, Sulu turned, eyes dark and his expression stormy. Reaching out, he grabbed the collar of Jack's shirt and yanked him forward, getting into his face. "Don't you dare act like that," he snarled, and the underlying fear that this might not work, that Ianto might be gone for good, the uncertainty they were facing, it all came out in his voice.

He wanted to sock the other right then, but he was too disciplined to do it. Barely. "Don't you dare, Jack Harkness. This isn't just because of you."

[51stcentury]

Jack let Sulu grab him, honestly not surprised that he'd upset the other man with his last statement. If he had given it a moment's thought, he would've realized that it was really quite a stupid thing to say out loud, and yet. That didn't mean that he hadn't meant it, that there wasn't still part of him that believed what he said. Jack was immortal, after all. Eventually, everyone that he met would die, and he would outlive them, and there wasn't really anything anyone could do about it.

"Yeah, sorry," Jack said quietly, not backing down as Sulu got up into his face, but not reinforcing his statement either. "I... I didn't--..." But no, he couldn't say he didn't mean it, that was a lie, and Sulu would see right through that, so why even bother? "I shouldn't have said that."

[parked]

Sulu's glare never really left his face as he stared at Jack, but it... softened. He found himself understanding the other man's comment, finding it more depressing than just infuriating. Jack couldn't possibly think that he was a curse or something, though, Sulu knew that.

"Jack," he said, his grip loosening but not completely removed, finally losing most of the anger and fear he'd gathered at that statement. "People will always be dying. I'm not accepting this, we're not accepting it, not in this situation, but. It's not you. I can't even... I can't start to understand what it's like for you, but you shouldn't feel like things moving on is somehow because of you. You're different, but you're not cursed or something." He knew it sounded worse than he necessarily meant it; that he was drawing attention to the fact that Jack was, honestly, not the natural order of things, but he wasn't judging him for it, and he could only hope that was obvious in his still intense expression.

[51stcentury]

Jack lowered his eyes, nodding. He knew that too, that people would die, that everyone would die, and that he'd survive them. That some day, if they still knew each other by then, Sulu would die, and Jack would live on past it. That even if they got Ianto back, he was going to die again eventually. It was the way things were supposed to work. It was just that...

"...it's Torchwood, y'know?" he said, quietly, after a moment. "I. I've worked there for so long, it. It skews your outlook on things. I mean. People don't retire from Torchwood, not in general. Most people don't even make it past 5 years, really." He bit his lip, slightly. He wasn't used to sharing things like this, and yet he couldn't seem to stop himself at the moment. "...I wasn't always in charge, you know. I used to be a field agent, same as Gwen. 1899, they gave me the choice of experimenting on me, or having me work for them, and well. For 100 years, I did their dirty work."

He shut his eyes, remembering. "It was New Year's, the year 2000, and my boss, Alex. He... There was a alien pendant that showed you a glimpse of what could be the future. It... It destroyed him. Ended up shooting the whole team, and then himself. Left Torchwood Three entirely to me. I. I didn't even have a choice. And everyone I've hired since then, besides Gwen, who's the newest recruit, has ended up dead. So. I'm sorry that I may seem unreasonable to you, I just. I don't have the best track record..."

[parked]

Jack's tone, his hesitance as he spoke, the way he looked away and closed his eyes - Sulu knew that the situation he was describing, the time when he'd been forced into leading Torchwood, was something painful for him. And he understood why Jack was telling him, he really did. He couldn't help but be surprised by it, but at least it... it explained some things.

"Jack," he said quietly, his hand moving from where it had come to rest on Jack's chest to the curve of his neck and shoulder, squeezing lightly and, Sulu hoped, reassuringly. "None of those things are your fault. It's part of... That's how these kinds of jobs simply are. Dealing with threats, no matter where you are, what your background, it comes with certain risks."

He couldn't talk about Alex or the team he'd had, nor could he speak of the Torchwood that had enlisted Jack, but he could talk about what he knew of the Torchwood Jack himself had run. "Every single member of Torchwood, as far as I've been able to tell, they could have left whenever they wanted. It's not you that got them killed. Even before you were the leader, you said so yourself, people've always died because of Torchwood. It's not your fault that the job is dangerous."

[51stcentury]

"Yeah..." Jack nodded, not really having anything to add to that statement, bringing a hand up to rest on top of Sulu's, just to show that he appreciated what the other man was doing for him. "I know." It was true, of course. All of it, all that Sulu had said there, it was true, and Jack knew that. That it was Torchwood itself that had killed them. That they had had the option of leaving whenever they wanted, and they hadn't. Granted, there was a statement in the policy book that said any person to quit Torchwood needed to be retconned of anything they might have learned during their job there, but. That certainly wouldn't have been the case with Jack's Torchwood, and really, the only one who would have known the rule book enough to know that would've been Ianto.

He took in a deep breath, turning his eyes up to the ceiling, blinking back momentary tears as he let it out, tears that were gone almost as soon as they had appeared. This would work. It had to work. They would get Ianto back, and he would make sure he never became just another Torchwood statistic. Not another blip in time, not Ianto Jones. Not for him. "God, I could really use a drink right about now..." he said, wryly.

[parked]

Sulu smiled wryly at that comment, leaning his head forward to rest against Jack's shoulder for a moment before patting his shoulder and pulling away a bit. "Yeah, I can understand that." He thought about it - about the whole thing. Ianto dying, Jack, the night he'd come over and Sulu'd let himself break down, the fact that he did break down, how he'd decided that he couldn't let that happen again, that he needed one more chance - they both needed one more chance.

And Ianto coming back tomorrow. How he was going to come back and Jack and Sulu were never going to let him go any way but naturally, and how Jack was going to outlive both of them but. Sulu was going to make sure that until then, they were happy. All three of them, and Gwen, and jeeze, they were going to have to tell Gwen, and what about Ianto's sister and.

"I might have something in the lab," Sulu suggested, smiling honestly and openly at Jack. "I think, at least. Pavel might've stashed away some vodka. We can head up and check - and if not, I'm sure I have something organic that'll do just as well."

[51stcentury]

Jack smiled back at Sulu, possibly his first real, true smile all week, because in that moment, he was just so glad to have the other man there. That he'd agreed to come spend time with him on this incredible ship of his. That he was as positive a force as he was, and that it was even rubbing off on him a little bit. Jack could see why Ianto liked him.

"God. Yes, please," he said, with a little chuckle. "By all means, lead on to this lab of yours, especially if there's something there that'll stop me from feeling like I'm about to jump out of my skin like I am right now." Hell, if it'd help, Jack'd even be willing to stomach more of that godawful ginger tea, so long as it'd stop him from saying any more comments that would upset either of them again.

[parked]

Sulu nodded and headed for the door, gesturing for Jack to follow him. He paused, however, hand on the command panel, and looked back at him. Sulu was sure that if Jack hadn't come here, he never would have felt motivated enough to get the pendant; he would have simply sunk deeper into the dark place he had been falling in to.

And so, he figured it was only right to tell Jack that. "Jack, I really want to thank you. I... I needed you here. Thank you for not leaving." He tilted his head towards the door, feeling - and looking - embarrassed for saying even half of what he'd been thinking.

[51stcentury]

Jack just stood there, smiling and shaking his head at Sulu for a moment, before he stepped up close to him, put a hand on his cheek and kissed him on the forehead, before pulling back, dropping his hand. "I should be thanking you, you know. For not giving up. On me, or on Ianto, or on yourself. For making me stay, when it'd have been so easy just to keep running and never look back." He smiled at him, crookedly. For any other man to have done that, it might've been awkward, but Jack was a physically affectionate person, and he meant every action he did down to his very center.

"Now," he said, "where is this lab of yours, anyway? I don't think I've come across it the couple of times I've taken a walk around, but then I probably haven't actually been to that much of this ship. I really only stuck to the surrounding hallways, and all."

[parked]

If Jack were anyone else, that move would have gotten much more resistance, especially as it normally would have seemed somewhat patronizing; but as it was, Sulu just gave Jack a dry look, quirking an eyebrow before smiling at him and shaking his head. Jack had all the trappings of someone used to being affectionate with the people around him, but Sulu couldn't find it in him to be surprised or weirded out by it.

"It's just a level up - you can't tell what it is from the outside, anyway. It used to be a recc room. C'mon. And," he added as the door slid open, "You act like an American most of the time, but that sort of affection is really European, I hope you know."

[51stcentury]

Jack shrugged. "It's definitely not British, that's for sure." Jack realized that it wasn't accepted in a lot of circles to be that openly affectionate with people, especially in a non-romantic sense of the word. He'd been married to an Italian woman before, and her family certainly hadn't minded it. That wasn't where he'd gotten it from, though. He smiled again, indicating that Sulu should lead on to this botany lab of his, wherever it was.

"See, now you're showing your era. Might not be the norm now, but. Give it a couple centuries. People start getting over all of their hangups about stuff like that. It's only human nature, after all. It's just going to take humans a while before they really have that fact figured out." Lord, he must be feeling better than before, if he was willing to start up on a 'you people and your quaint little categories' speech again.

[parked]

Rolling his eyes, Sulu led Jack down the hall and towards the lift, ignoring absolutely every look that came their way. He'd deal with them eventually. "It's the norm for some people," he said idly, "Just not for me. But, captains get more leeway from me."

It really wasn't that long a trek to the botany lab, taking barely three minutes of their time, and Sulu had the walk down. He had no trouble leading Jack, though he was still trying to figure out if there was actually any alcohol in the storage shelves near the back. He knew three different plants that would give them a similar "take-the-edge-off" sort of feel, though, so if necessary, they would make do with that. Reaching the lab, he tapped in his password and then stepped aside for Jack to enter first. "I'll see what I have, all right?"

[51stcentury]

Jack nodded, stepping into the lab and looking around. "Oh, wow," he said, obviously impressed with the place. It wasn't anything like Owen's little makeshift hothouse in the Hub, more of a hobby to pass the time than anything else for the doctor, this was an actual lab. With probably one of the biggest collections of alien flora he'd seen in a while, really.

There were about a million different things that Jack would have said, had this been a normal visit to the botany lab, and the situation different. Had Ianto been with them, for example, or waiting for them down the hall or home in Cardiff, there were comments he might have made. But he wasn't, and however lifted Jack's spirits were thanks to the man standing there with him, they weren't lifted enough to start joking around again.

"You know," Jack said. "I've been in space before, so this whole experience hasn't been really new, but. These things just kind of hammer home that this really isn't the same universe that I grew up in at all."

[parked]

Sulu treated his lab much like he treated his own room; it was a direct reflection of himself, unconscious as it might be. Everything in the lab was alive and in bloom, and it just didn't seem like any of the things there should be able to exist in the vacuum of space. Sulu never tried to figure out why he enjoyed plants so much, but maybe that was it.

"I hope that doesn't put you off my universe," Sulu said, sincerely meaning it, "The fact that it's so much different from yours. Though, I'm guessing this all seems kind of dated, really." He started moving to the back of the lab in order to search for something to help them relax a bit.

[51stcentury]

"No, it doesn't put me off," Jack said, shaking his head, bending to inspect the closest plant to him, making careful note not to touch it just in case. "It's more like...uncharted territory. Kinda exciting, because it's something that I never would have been able to explore, where I am, and all."

He straightened up after a moment, shoving his hands in his pockets as he thought about Sulu's comment about everything being dated here, before shrugging at it. "Maybe. I don't know. I don't really think like that, anymore. I might have before, but. The Time Agency does interesting things to your concept of what's dated and what's not. Plus. I have lived a linear timeline from 1869 to 2010, so. The stuff you've got here is beyond even the imagining of some people I've met, and all."

[parked]

Sulu rummaged through the storage cabinets, frowning thoughtfully as he considered any place he might have left something. The idea of drinking even a little seemed almost shocking to him, except for the fact that he knew it would help both of them relax enough to get some rest, to prepare for tomorrow. When they'd get Ianto back.

"Fair point," Sulu said, and honestly he was pretty pleased that Jack wouldn't consider the Enterprise dated, even if it was for reasons that were honestly beyond him. "This is supposed to be the pinnacle of our development, the Enterprise. Part of being a flagship, I guess." He almost said that he'd been meaning to show Ianto around more thoroughly, but he held back - though he was positive this would work, he didn't want to bring Jack down again, not like he'd been before. "I think - yeah." He reached up and, in a corner that was probably supposed to be inconspicuous, he found a tall, thin bottle of vodka, so very Russian that the label was indecipherable to him. He turned and held the bottle out towards Jack. "Here we go."

[51stcentury]

Jack looked at the bottle, before taking it from Sulu with a smile. "This is certainly...foreign," he said, lightly. He recognized it for what it was, a bottle of vodka and all, but he couldn't help wondering why it was so very Russian.

He turned his gaze from the bottle to look at Sulu, smiling at him gently. "Forgive me for saying this, but. You don't really strike me as being the vodka type, here. Is this really yours?" he asked. And more importantly. "If not, is whoever's this is going to mind too much if I start drinking directly from the bottle? I don't really see any glasses around here, as it were..."